I don’t watch Game of Thrones. There, I said it. Although, judging from recent twitter comments, it feels like there’s as many people who don’t watch GoT as do. It’s almost become cooler to say you aren’t waiting with bated breath for the last series.
Anyway, that’s where GoT is – the last series. King’s Landing sounds a bit like the opposite to Narnia to me. Winter is always coming, whereas C.S. Lewis made sure all the snow was melting off the trees. Then again, the Snow Queen was a bit of a frosty madam and could well be related to those lads who walk around with pasty faces threatening people.
I have to admit that you’d have to be living under a rock on the opening credit’s map not to know something about GoT at this stage. So I thought about what I know:
- There’s a dragon-mama with platinum hair and a penchant for smoking people alive.
- John Boy from Love/Hate is masquerading as a Machiavellian character called Littlefinger.
- There was a wedding that took a disturbing detour around the time people at Irish weddings start singing that song “Bog-down-in-the-rally-oh” for 49 verses.
- A tweenie King was given far too much leeway and not enough Ritalin.
- There’s a big bad wall that’s much worse than anything Trump has planned for the US.
- The walkers on the other side of said wall are seriously deficient in Vitamin D, not to mention a sense of humour, or any of the other characteristics of a decent member of society.
- A man called Jon Snow spends a lot of time lying in, well, snow (at least in all the trailers I’ve seen).
- The guy called Tyrion may or may not be a goodie, it’s hard to know from the trailers and, I suspect, the series.
- Boromir is a very bad negotiator but his daughter must be great at doing the weekly shop considering her ability to make lists.
Come to think of it, I seem to know a fair amount about it for a show I’ve never watched (and never will watch, the violence is WAY too much for a simple soul like me). But hey, look, it’s a phenomenon and if you’re into it then this last series for you is like the last season of House of Cards is for me.
One thing I don’t understand though – how can they make the last season on TV when George R.R. Martin hasn’t written the last book yet? Are the makers just going to look inside his head and decide what he thinks should happen? Or is this just a solo run by people who have just got let things go to their head? I don’t know but no doubt some article in a culture magazine will tell me all about it. That’s all very well but what I really want to know is how I can get my hands on some of those dragons. Let’s face it, between this and The Hobbit we all know how useful they’d be in a whole range of different areas. Do you think George R.R. Martin would know anything about it? Surely if he did his research it would take up a good hundred pages of his quota and that can’t be a bad thing from anyone’s perspective.
It’s only fair