Things I have learned from the flu:-
- If possible, try to contact it during periods of extreme floods/hurricanes/monsoons. That way, you have a completely valid reason for not opening the door.
- There’s only so many times you can watch old re-runs of “Bullseye” before you start answering every question with “Let’s have a look at what you could have won.”
- If you fall sick just after taking part in a Toastmaster competition, you will be visited by hallucinations of previous world champions, giving perfectly executed speeches on where you went wrong. This is to be avoided as it will drive you slowly insane.
- To avoid losing track of time, consider marking days off on your wall. To add variety, maybe you could pretend to be The Prisoner of Zenda/Man in the Iron Mask while you whistle a happy tune.
- Judge Judy is always right. Except when she’s wrong.
- Tweeting when high on antibiotics can lead you up some strange alleys. (Yes, it was a Communist statement; no, I did not support the McCarthy trials.)
- You get obsessed with watching bits of old A-Team episodes on YouTube. At 3am.
- You just can’t get that riled up over political debates online. So you Just. Lash. Out.
And you know you’re better when:-
- You start to read the legal file that you brought home four days before. You start to think fondly of the “to-do” list waiting for you on your desk.
- You start to hope that Momma Walton and those two children will actually stay lost on the mountain when their truck blows a tyre/they go searching for a lost chicken/cow/goat.
- Scratch the last one. It applies regardless of your state of health.
- YOU DON’T WANT TO WATCH ANY MORE T.V. EVER!!!!!!
- When someone suggests that you should take another day off work, your reply can only be heard by the dogs.