If my love for the film JAWS has taught me anything, it’s that greatness can be wrenched from the jaws (ha!) of disaster. The kick-ass summer blockbuster that started them all was very nearly defeated by all those mishaps that Spielberg talks about on the DVD extras.
Lucky for us he persevered! Otherwise I wouldn’t get a spring in my step when I hear the music that leads up to the inevitable “S-s-s-sharrrrrkkk!!! Get out of the water!!!!” (Seriously people, move your asses if you wanna keep them). And I wouldn’t have learned other valuable lessons, like the fact that if you skinny dip then you’re destined to be eaten. You’re also headed for a watery grave via a nasty set of gnashers if you insist on splashing about on a waterbed. These are very useful tit-bits for the likes of me. When all my friends keep trying to get me to go on sun holidays, I reply “No, not me! I’m too pale! I just look at the sun and it burns me!”
Little do they know that I am one of the few who knows – darn tootin’ – that one of these days a Great White – a Carcharodon carcharias – is going to turn up in the pool of one of those hotels in Turkey. He’ll have a
whale shark of a time munching on a few tourists who are too hungover to realise what’s happening and then too knackered to move when the reality bites with Mr. Sharkey. And then I’ll be the one laughing. Me and Chief Brody ha ha ha.
Other JAWS gems include the knowledge that you’re always going to need a bigger boat plus the fact that sharks may also be known as “mean birds” – but only by those who know them well and are sure that they’ll swalley ye whole. It’s also useful to keep a lookout for fair Spanish ladies. (I’m never really sure what they added to the plot but I think it’s fair to say they’re on the shark’s side).
But I digress. Point is, Spiely-berg kept going, wouldn’t give in, dug his heels in. Planning. That’s where I’m going, friends. Big plans straight ahead, starting with this weekend. No time to get them down on the blogosphere right now, but rest assured, I’m a-thinking. Plans are hatching. Rumours relating to a Bond-villainesque type scheme may or may not be unfounded.